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How Many Breaths Are There?
How many breaths are there between the first life that provides one and our final exhalation? How many minutes are there between the two. I remember my mother telling me when I was young that it made her sad when she read the story of a young person who had died. But I wondered even then, and if this person had a wonderful, fulfilling life…even if it was shorter than what we think of as “normal.” Why should that make you sad? I’ve known so many people who lived a very long time but didn’t appreciate it and were callous and mean. Is it better to live 30 years and still be happy and in awe of the wonders of life or to live 87 years and be bitter and resentful each of those days?
So it seems to me that it’s not the total minutes that make up your life… but what you do with those minutes.
I think of all the minutes I’ve used in my life so far and wonder if I think they were put to good use. I realize that there are periods of time in my life when time has been foolishly wasted. That I valued someone else’s time and personal value far more than I valued myself.
Somehow…my upbringing has conditioned me to put someone else’s needs above my own. That it would help make me a better person… or at least a more humble person. What I experienced was that it just caused me to be “used” by other people and then abruptly rejected when they ran out of everything they could use.
There are times in my life that I wish I had never ended and I’m desperately trying to hold on to…and times that I wish I had never allowed to exist. I want to be able to go back in time and approach these people and say, “You wasted my precious minutes and I’d like to get them back so I can reuse them in happy memories.”
My passion for my life and my artwork grows from this and I try to make different (better) choices than in the past. It has become an expression of my being and often a way of explaining and sometimes reflecting on my past. Clinging to a part of the past in the hope that it never escapes. But I know with every ounce of my being that time is fleeting.
I breathe in… I breathe out… and another moment passes.
I fall asleep at night and lie in my bed wondering what I could have done differently today? It’s not because I feel the need to guess at the choices I’ve made… only to help me make better choices for tomorrow. I only have a few minutes… I don’t want to waste them.
1 minute = 12 breaths
60 minutes = 720 breaths
24 hours = 17,280 breaths
1 week = 120,960 breaths
1 month = 3,628,800 breaths
1 year = 43,545,000 breaths
43 years = 1,872,460,800 breaths
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